Category: Humor

At least I thought it was funny.

Posted on in Humor, Nature

Three Times Trouble

skunk-home-birdfeeders-8sept2005-lah-071I love living outside the city limits, but sometimes sharing our five acres with nature can have its challenges. I currently maintain seven bird feeders and a bird bath. Not only do we have lots of birds, but the availability of food and water brings in some unintended visitors as well.

I was attending a meeting at the nature center when my cell phone vibrated. Seeing it was Pete, I quickly excused myself and answered his call.

“Hi sweetie, what’s up?”
“I have a problem. How do I get a skunk out of the garage?”

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Posted on in Humor, Nature

There’s a Mouse in the House

field-mouse-colospgs-24feb08-lah-006

Eew! What was that horrible smell? Even with chronic congestion associated with my being allergic to nearly everything, I could tell something had died. Following my nose, I wandered downstairs, then into the corner of the basement with the seldom-used utility sink. As I got closer, I realized the deep sink was completely full of dirty water  that lapped at the faucet and threatened to spill over the counter and onto the floor. I hastily ran upstairs to alert my handyman husband.

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Posted on in Gardening, Humor

A Gardener’s Guide to “Quantities”

A “few” bags of compost?
A “few” bags of compost?

I was wasting time doing online research when I came across this delightful gardening blog. Clearly this post was written by a gardener, someone I can definitely relate to. The blogger identifies herself as “Carol,” an eccentric gardener, gardening geek, passionate about plants.

I thought Carol’s commentary on how gardeners count was too fun to keep to myself, so I’m sharing it here. Besides, this way I get to take a  break do more research for future articles. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! And while you’re at her site, be sure to admire her extensive hoe collection.

May Dreams Gardens: A Gardener’s Guide to “Quantities”

Posted on in Gardening, Humor, Landscaping

Heavenly Lawns

This has been making the email rounds for a while now, at least among us gardeners. But as it is one of my favorites, I wanted to share it just in case anyone has missed it so far. I wish I knew who the author was, so I could give them full credit for this masterpiece.

Heavenly Lawns
zeroscape-colospgs-2008sept18-lah-312r-1One heavenly spring morning, God got into a conversation with St. Francis about lawns. The conversation went something like this…….

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle, and the other stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. I created plants that grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply like crazy. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds, and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

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Posted on in Gardening, Humor, Landscaping

Get your Goat

goat-eidahostatefair-2007sept08-lah-585While taking a break and perusing an assortment of gardening websites, I stumbled across this story at “Dave Hobson’s Garden Humor: To boldly grow where no one has groan before.” Yes, you can tell from the tagline that this site is a lot of fun.

I have David’s permission to re-post his story, as long as I include the fact that he wrote it, he owns the copyright, you can see it on his website, and you can email him at dhobson@golden.net. (I was a bit concerned about posting his email address right out there in the open where all sorts of nasty software programs can find it and send him emails about missing fortunes, prescription drugs, and the fact that there are giant star-nosed moles in the storm drains under Boise—but he insisted.) After I went to all this trouble, the least you can do is read it and laugh. Oh, and the goat photo is all mine.
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Posted on in Birds, Gardening, Humor, Nature

Outfoxing Fox Squirrels

fox-squirrel_blkforest_20100424_lah_3624If you feed them, they will come. Anyone who puts sunflower seeds into a birdfeeder sooner or later has to contend with squirrels. And if you grow a garden—well, squirrels like many of the same foods we do, plus flowers, tulip bulbs, and numerous other plants. The question isn’t whether or not you’ll have squirrels in your yard. You will. The question is, what are you going to do about them?

I used to really like squirrels. After all, they’re cute, with bright black eyes and fluffy tails. And they’re fun to watch as they chase one another up one tree and down the next. That was before I started feeding the birds. Within hours of hanging my first feeder, the squirrels had discovered it. (It took the birds two weeks.)

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Posted on in Gardening, Humor, Veggies

Mob-Style Gardening?

tomatoplI heard this the other day and thought it was funny enough to bear repeating. I hope I don’t offend any Italians—that surely isn’t my intent! I would love to give credit to the person who write this, but I have no idea who that might be.

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

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Posted on in Birds, Humor

A Birder’s New Year’s Resolutions

Once again it’s January, time for making a list of all the things you would like to do differently in the new year. If you’re at all like me, you’ll resolve to finally lose that extra weight, walk at least two miles a day, and empty the accumulation of credit card receipts out of your wallet at least once a week.  You promise to, in general, exhibit more self control over all those accumulated habits that stand between you and perfection.

But we’re not just ordinary people. We’re Birders. So it seems appropriate that we make some New Year’s resolutions specific to our particular passions. How about if we resolve to…

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Posted on in Gardening, Humor, Seed Starting

A Gardener’s New Year’s Resolutions

plants-for-sale-lowes-cs_2008aug02_lah_5106-1Lots of people like to make New Year’s resolutions. Gardeners are no exception. A quick web search turned up plenty of lists, with gardeners around the country vowing to stay ahead of the weeds, thin their carrots, and learn the Latin names of all their favorite plants. If you like to garden, you probably have your own list of good intentions. And if you’re like me, you’ll struggle to keep even one of them.

This year, I’d like to propose a list of gardening resolutions that any enthusiastic gardener can keep. Your garden may not be perfect, but at least you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you achieved your New Year’s goals.

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